WASHINGTON, D.C. – Having gained control of both houses of Congress and the White House, the GOP is looking to roll back many liberal government programs, including Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security. But they aren’t stopping there.

They also have their sights set on the greatest intellectual achievements of the European Renaissance and Enlightenment, including the idea that the earth is not located at the center of the universe, a theory first promulgated by Nicolaus Copernicus and Galileo Galilei.

President Trump issued an executive order yesterday stating that the positon of the earth relative to other celestial bodies was not yet “established science” and required “further research.” Accordingly, the Department of Education has been directed to add geocentric cosmology to standardized tests.

“There are many scientists who believe in a geocentric universe,” said Senator James Inhofe (R-OK). “Let’s teach the controversy.”

Of course, the scientists to whom Sen. Inhofe was referring receive funding from the Center for Jesus and Godly Studies in Tallahassee, Florida. Many see this as a conflict of interest that compromises the objectivity of their research.

But a few people can see the bright side of this shift to a cosmology that flies in the face of nearly 500 years of science.

“It’s nice to have some company out here on the cutting edge,” said basketball star Kyrie Irving, one of the celebrities who have recently voiced their belief that the earth is flat. “Now I don’t seem so crazy, do I?”