WASHINGTON, D.C. – With a budget of $585 billion for Fiscal Year 2015, the Pentagon has a lot of money to work with. In fact, they have more than they know what to do with.
“Congress gave us even more than we asked for,” Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said. “So we’re in kind of a bind right now trying to figure out ways to spend all this money before the fiscal year ends. You’d be surprised how far $585 billion goes nowadays.”
The Department of Defense (DOD) has been scrambling for weeks to use up the last of their budget for FY 2015. Among many expensive projects, they’ve commissioned a solid-gold statue of Nike, the ancient Greek goddess of victory, for the Pentagon grounds. There’s some concern, however, that the monument will look a bit gaudy next to the more understated platinum reproduction of the Trevi Fountain.
The DOD has already greenlit multiple major motion pictures, including a sequel to the unlikely 2012 hit about an elite team of Navy SEAL’s, Act of Valor, and a few animated children’s films with the working titles of, respectively, Guns, Tanks and Carriers.
There was some speculation that the money might be used for adequately equipping soldiers currently serving in warzones, fully funding the Veterans Administration medical system or developing tactics that are actually effective against insurgencies. But these rumors were quickly dismissed as “far-fetched.”